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                                           Chapter One


How did I end up here ?  well that’s the million dollar question

I asked myself hundreds of times this question  over and over again in my head and I don’t know what happend I really don’t understand, and that makes me so mad . 

To figure something out , but like there is something missing.

They told me I experience timelapse of memeryloss  , some parts I can remember and other parts not.

They also told me that I don’t have to worry about  it. Apparently in most cases this is just a temporary thing  it will go away again.

 They say I am a danger to myself and for the people around me.

 I can not remember this part but they told me also that  I have said  

I hear voices in my head. well i know that is not true

I hear no voices Im not crazy  there are no voices  there is only one voice  and he is real 

Yes I know, before you say anything  you have to let me explain .

This voice  he exist its  he is my friend , i know him for so long since i was a child 

I tell you this true friendship exist 

And i don’t understand  i told him i was here and i need him to get me out of here but 

I think he is busy because he is not here yet and i really really  need him right now 

Please dont believe what people saying about me 

I’m not crazy and i will prove it to you

 When I think back I think It all started with  this guy somebody I hardly knew.

 He lives  in my apartment building on the second floor and I heard later that he called and  told the police  I was a danger, and crazy  that I heard voices in my head  and that there was always screaming  and fighting everything day and night 

Now here is a strange thing , how did  he know about the voices? , i didn’t tell him 

I never talked to this guy in my whole life , that guy is strange i will tell you that, 

Sometimes when I came home I saw him standing at the window , and I could feel his eyes poking in my neck. It was like he was checking me out or something.

And one day I saw him in the shop , I was grabbing a bottle of milk and suddenly he stood next to me , and he asked me how you were doing ?

I just looked at him and said yeah ok , busy now have to go .

And I almost ran over to the teller to pay , and the moment I walked out the door I could hear him saying , hey why don’t you guys come over one time , we can have some beers .

At the time I didn’t think about this too much , I just wanted to go home .

But the last few days  it’s just like there is something in my head 

that was trying to tell me something. 

Guys!  That’s it  guys he use the word guys  but why I am alone why didn’t he say or asked 

Why don’t you come over  to my place  for a beer?  you

What did he mean with guys ? and then it hit me

He thinks I live with somebody ? that must be it .

Now this is just one of those little things that can drive me crazy if i don’t understand 

You know what i mean 

I have to make a call , I have to call him  today 

Today is the first day I can leave my room. And I have to ask him what happened? 

I  still don’t know and I don’t understand  normally he is always here to help me. 

I hope he is not mad at me. I really hope not.

                                              Chapter two


Morning X how are we feeling today ?

Did you have a good night’s sleep ? i thought so good that means the  medication

 is working just fine 

Look at me  and listen today you can have one hour downstairs if you want.

But first you will have to attend a session  with doctor Y

You know him, remember him ? from when you first came here

Dont worry its a nice guy  really he knows alot about you , just talk to him.

You don’t want to talk ? 

Well no talking no leaving this room today then. Are you sure ?

Afraid  why are you  afraid? 

Listen  i will make you a promise  if you go  just be  relax talk to him ,

and i will give you two hours more downstairs , what do you think about that?

I thought so, you made the right decision here.

Just one more  thing before I go.

Don’t tell him too much,  you know what I mean don’t tell him* everything*

Remember,what I told you I can be your  friend  or your enemy you choose.

                                               Chapter Three

                                                  The truth

Come in ah good morning x  how you feeling today ?

Good to see you, you look alot better since the first time i saw you .

Remember that ?  remember i told you not to worry everything’s gonna be ok.

Now listen it’s good we’re gonna have this session or talk or however you want to call this .

Because as it happens yesterday i received this by mail , look the whole police report 

I think there’s a lot of information in here   we can use today.

So you will will get some answers to but i need you to be honest with me, otherwise i can not do nothing for you nothing 

Let me explain to you something. A case like this will attract attention from a lot of people.

And i don’t want that , We don’t want  that, you do understand what i’m saying here ?

Good, I knew you would agree with me on this.

Now let’s start with something painful, your friend  is he here right now ?

Because if he is , I would like to talk to him.

X listen ,you have to realise at this moment in your life I’am probably the only one 

Who might or could believe you, but that’s all up to you know.

You have to tell me what happened , I need to know everything .

Everything that you can remember 

If not ,well basically you know what’s gonna happen then.

So today I Want the truth from you.

                                        Chapter Four

                                     The waiting room

To begin with, let me clarify some things here 

One I’m not a real person.

Two, I am somebody you need one day in your life.

And three,  I am invisible for as long as you want me to be.

How does that work? It’s not that hard all you have to do is ask.

And he did, he asked me right from the beginning.

Now I Am an Imaginary friend for as long as I can remember. 

I think the first time I’ve appear  was about 100 years ago and ever since I’ve been a woman, a man a child  and I can tell you I this I’ve met some strange people

during those times.

Don’t ask me how I became an imaginary friend , because even today I still don’t know. 

And I stopped trying to find out a long time ago.

And now I’m back here again in the waiting room waiting and waiting 

Until he calls me again and he will call me. I have known him for a long long time.

So what is the waiting room  you ask ?

Well let me explain, if you are an experience Imaginary friend, lest say after at least ten persons you been a friend for , in  between those ,we call them visits,we go to this place 

We call the waiting room .

Its white round and big, against the white walls you can see a lot of people

These are the people who have an imaginary friend in their life at this moment.

You can see man woman children it’s a mix  , but it’s not the real person itself 

It’s a visualisation on how we see this person.

So you can see a child , who has super powers  a woman in love with another women 

A man desperate in his life for all kinds of life stories.

You can even see children there , who in real life are adults, they just wanna go back to when they were a child  when they were happy.

So basically when I’m there, I never know whom I’m talking to.

Remember I Am invisible as long you want me to be ?

Sometimes those visits imagine how i should look like , maybe as an old long lost friend

Or as a beautiful woman or as the boy they knew in kindergarten.

And a lot of times they just imagine me as somebody who died in their lifetime, a friend, a family member or just somebody they knew  somehow or somewhere.

I will tell you this its not hard to be an imaginary friend, afterall  we can take a look in your mind and we already know the questions that are coming and the answers to those questions

It gets complicated if they start to ask questions , where they don’t have an answer to .

 Then it is like filling in the blanks.

Normally I just put the food for thought there and most of the time that will be a safe answer or solution. 

But if they are not happy with that and they start to think problems start .

And then in my experience it’s just a matter of time before the question comes .

They question we all want to hear but the same moment the question we all fear.

How would you do it ?

That question for me is ticket  , the golden  ticket to go as we call it  * to go real*

And when that moment is there we have to ask the mandatory questions.

Are you sure, are you ready for this ? you know there is no turning back ?

In many cases of our visits confusing  sets in, they will start to hear our voices no longer in their mind , but an actual voice.

A Lot of those visits we lose then , because they become scared of their own thoughts,

but every now and then , they don’t stop, and from that moment on they are hooked .

Hooked on the idea  that we are the solution to their problem, we become their salvation.

We become a real friend

And that is exactly what happened with my last visit.

                                                    Chapter five

                                                  Where are you now ? 

I don’t know, I really don’t know, I told him everything and nothing.

And  when I did I could see it in eyes , the disbelief.he doesn’t believe me.

And I don’t blame him, who would ? Who would believe me?

He is here and I know what he wants .He wants me to confess, but I won’t do that.

I didn’t do anything wrong, it was him all the time it was him.

Problem is now nobody will believe me.

They all think I’m crazy and that I make this up and that Iam fabricating this story just to avoid the ultimate penalty. 

O yes i know  they all want to see me go there. 

I need to find a way so I can prove my innocence,I just need to find the right way.

And I think I know how to do that.

As long he is using other people to talk to me , he can not see my thoughts

So from now one all I have to do is make sure I don’t imagine him.

I know he wants to talk to me but I won’t  let him, at least not in my imagination.

                                            Chapter six 


I’ve told you two hours downstairs for you, didn’t I? Don’t look so surprised.

When i promise something I deliver 

So come on, put your shoes on,I will bring you.

You will like it down their you can even use the garden if you want

I had a peek at your file after you left the doctor  office , don’t look at me that way

I Am a bit surprised  you did tell him about me, but not what I can do? 

 Why not ? What are you up to? 

Whatever you trying  it will not work, there is no me, i don’t exist , i didn’t kill those people

Well actually I did , but you , you created the circumstances, your words, your wishes.

I just did what comes naturally for you in your thoughts,

Remember ? I remember all of them. Oh I wish he was dead , Oh i wish she got in an accident , I wish he was hit by a train.

I just fulfilled your wishes , don’t forget your wishes.

As you can see we even have some books here , and you can watch television,

as long as you don’t fight with the others which channel to watch

 but that won’t happen too much . We only have two channels.

You guys don’t need the distractions from outside  , the doctors don’t like that.

They  like to keep you as cattle calm and no questions.

You’re wondering ? you wondering if I’m still here?

You still don’t get it, I don’t need you, I don’t need you anymore to talk to you.

I don’t have to be in your mind anymore to hear.

You set me free. You release me 

Look around  the next time  I can be in any of those minds, and you would never know. 

I can watch you, I can hear you , I know what you are doing , you would never know when you are talking to me.

So what do you wanna do, read a book? or you see that guy ,he likes to play table tennis

And her  at the window she likes to sing , are you a singer ? no didn’t think so

Come over here  because it’s your first time here , let me introduce you to your group.

Some pretty crazy people here I am sure you will fit in no problem.

                                                Chapter seven 

                                                 Beyond belief 

I heard some stories in my life: fantasies, real things , in my line of work you hear everything all the good and the worse.

It’s my job to filter, who is lying and who is telling the truth.

And sometimes that’s more complicated than you can imagine 

I had people here who believed they were possessed  by evil 

I had people here who thought they were jezus or even dogs .

For us that is a story, for them ?  for them it’s the reality.

In their mind they somehow and for whatever reason  they crossed a line of sanity.

Now let me tell you something about sanity, it’s overrated. 

Who is sane and who is insane?

And who is to judge  Me ? no I can only try to find the reason or the event in those lives

What was the trigger that set everything in motion? And from there start to work things out.

I’ve been doing this job for more than 35 years now and I heard it all , or at least  I thought.

Today I spoke to X. He told me his imaginary friend is killing people throughout his whole life

People he knew somehow  people that played a role in his life  and not always a big role

 for one example he told me , one day his house was burgled after the police was gone 

He was sitting down in his chair sad and angry and he started to talk to his imaginary friend

And in that talk finally he said I wish he was hit by a bus 

Two days later he read in the newspaper, that a man died he was run over  by a school bus 

When they brought him to the hospital , they found  stolen items in his bag , among others as the story in the newspapers wrote , one small jugendstil clock.

And then he realised  that it  was his clock.

Coincidence  this ? could be, or he just could made the whole story up in his mind,

 to convince himself , his imaginary friend was responsible for this.

So natural my question to him was 

Did you ask your friend , did he do it ? His answer was, I can  not tell you that 

You know when I talk to people  the first thing  I always do try to find out things 

Talk to their families and their friends , the more information I have the better my

 chances are of helping them

So before I met  X for the first time i’ve already knew pretty much all 

what happened  in his life , and it didn’t surprise me to find Mental illness at a young age ,later on in life  drugs alcohol problems.

But also death in the family , death of friends  all these could be the possible trickers

We just needed  to find the right one , the one who  basically put everything in motion.

At Least that was my intention, but more and more X told me it seems not to add up .

With the information i had in his file 

Lets take out all the deaths of all the people he didn’t know in his life, the random ones.

The one he met on accidental occasions, the one he wishes something bad will happen to them , I can not make any statement on that, it’s too hard to prove and it’s too easy to say it didn’t happen , I just don’t know.

Now let’s take a look at the deaths in his family, the deaths of his friends the deaths of  his acquaintances, there was something here I dont know what and I still don’t know why I did it

I picked up the phone  and started calling , and with every call I knew more and more he was telling the truth , or at least he was thinking and convincing me he was telling the truth.

In family and friends circles  a total of 10 unresolved deaths.

I could could prove without any doubt  he could not have done this , because everytime

When a death occurred  he either was in prison or in a mental institute , everytime .

But their was also another thing  but I can not tell you that , because if I do

You think I’m crazy 

                                            Chapter Eight


Why do you look that way? You remember me don’t you?

Because I do , I remember what I did for you.

What’s the matter cat got your tongue , off all people you should be the least surprised .

So what are you gonna do with X?

You talked to him , for you it shall  not be too hard for you  to convince people he is crazy.

So what you are waiting for , write it down and lock him up , forever.

I know what you are thinking , you see me as a little boy, but I sound like an adult .

You wonder how is that possible ?

Well i can tell you this , you were my first , when you wished you teacher should dy

Remember him ? yeah I thought so the one who punished and humiliated  you 

in front of the whole class. every week, you do remember that dont you

And then when you started to talk to me, you created me your own imaginary friend

I remember our talk well most of the time it was you crying , and then that one day

You asked me for help ,

Somebody should do something about him , those where exactly your words 

Well I did  and you know why ? because I Am your friend .

But that was a long time ago , you know i never understood , why you stopped talking to me

I thought we were friends for life.

You know your teacher , wanna know how i did it ?

He was my first chance to go real,  and I have to say,it was not that hard 

The garage next to your  parents house , and one day it went up in flames?

That was me too  

You told me many times  your father was always in the garage working on inventing  things and that you never were allowed in there.

Remember we played football  the yard one day , and i kicked the ball far away ,

You were running for the ball and I sneaked inside the garage.

And on some shelves i saw a lot jars posion this posson that , i just took two of them .

Next day on parents day at school your mother baked a cake for your teacher ,

Do I have to tell more or do you get the picture now ?

Teacher died of mysterious illness ,it was in all the news papers

Nothing mysterious for me or for you.

So now you know, itt as not my fault 

Listen, can  I ask you something ? Do you need a friend  right now ?

 Because I can be you friend  again  I can sit over there in you new chair

next to the window.

You know I’m a good listener , and i hear your thoughts 

And  i know you need a friend  now

Why do you shake your head like that ?

You really want to risk everything you have ?
I will forgive you for deserting me ,  we can start again

I can tell you all the stories ,you write them down , it will be your opus dei

The best you ever written, to bad you can not publish it

Nobody will believe you

So what do you say ?

Friends again? Just say my name ,And i’ll be there.

                                  The End 

Never promised you a rosegarden


A theater performance that takes place in an apartment building, four apartments inhabited by four people who all live alone for various reasons

Six monologues that are linked together

                                 ACT 1

Apartment 1A

Set is  a small apartment where most things are still in moving boxes

One  woman is very distressed , because she can not find her things back.

We can see a kitchen table, two chairs…plants new roses /tulips/orchids in trays on the background on top of the sink. 

 One dirty kitchen machine  shopping bags bottles  boxes on the floor a total mess.

During the monologues she is unpacking boxes and talking to the audience

Sitting at the kitchen table * woman looks at the audience with a speaks

 with a sarcastic voice *

What a great day , this is it ,My new house, you like it ? come on be honest don’t be shy

 Nothing to say  Yeah i thought so. * she looks around the kitchen*

 This … this is my new beginning, my new life, my new everything! *sarcastic voice*

 Yeah i’m so happy right now  can’t you see?

Listen I hope you don’t mind all these boxes , I still have a lot of unpacking to do it’s a mess I know …… 

Aim just ….. I am just too tired right now.

The Woman stands up, picks up a heavy box and with all her strength puts the box on the kitchen table  she opens the box and she grabs a book and sits down again.

She starts reading a bit , and then starts looking for a  certain page *

Here it is you know what this is? *facing the audience and keeping the book up*

Yes you right it is it’s a dictionary  *softly voice * a stupid dictionary  i remember I bought this for her she needed one for school 

Woman desperately looking around now and keeps speaking softly , she is not here not today.

I saw her this morning. She  was helping me and she took  all the garbage bags full of clothes from upstairs ,and  you what ?every time  she went up and down the stairs with one or two bags and threw them in the truck , she was yelling another one.

 she was really helping me. She is amazing. I could not do this alone .. really.

*With A voice full of anger*  And you know what! she doesn’t understand. She just doesn’t understand ……my angel. 

 And me ? I Am  trying to act normal when I am with her, you know… like this is a normal thing  and these things happen and there’s nothing I can do to change this .

And it’s not like she doesn’t know she is a smart girl…. I mean she has girlfriends  who are in the same situation  …, she told  me once  in her class .. and I think she said 7 kids are in the same situation  SEVEN .I felt guilty when i heard that , i never wanted that for her to become one of those…… you know those kids.

I dont think i’m worried about her …..she is strong  doing better than me if i’m honest a lot better i read somewhere kids are so more flexible in adjusting to a new situation, i don’t know if that is true  but she ……  yeahh she is strong and i hate to say this but …. She got his personality , * soft voice* he was strong to*

*With  panic in her movements  she starts reading the book  and turning page for page

 again and again and  then talks to the audience*

I wanna show you something but  I can not find it and i’m sure i saw it here somewhere

*panic voice*

I knew it i knew i had to mark it  with a pen or something because now it’s gone * 

hysterical soft laughing* *

Gone gone  yes it’s gone  words can not disappear?  gone no no noooo relax relax

 read slowly look at the lines it must be must be here.

*Woman facing the audience *

Where is she now ? she is not here you know ….we had a fight this morning.

, and i feel so guilty because  It was not her fault  It really wasn’t but…………

And I know she was just trying to help me. I know that ok !

 but i could not let her do that…… *soft voice*  no not that ..what if ……….

It  happened in the bathroom ,i think…… no i knew exactly  there were three more garbage bags there,  and when i went up there  i saw here pulling one bag  over  floor towards  the door  at that moment  i stopped breathing  i told her no leave those bags  alone I will do that but mom she says these are too heavy for you., i don’t mind , i will throw the bags down the stairs  it’ just clothes  nothing will happen

*woman almost screaming and facing the audience*

Noooo don’t  do that  I will do these bags , please…  and besides  don’t you have to go to school , today ?

* soft voice*  and then she said  but mom, I’m free today, don’t you remember  ?

I wanna help you with this let me do this …. I didn’t remember  she told me that 

 my head was not clear that day 

*ferm voice* No leave those alone i will do the bathroom  and if you really really  want to help me ?  listen just listen ok  I’m already at the limit of everything ok you understand that?

And then… then it happened…   i saw  the color in her face changing… from white till almost completely red  and i knew then…

 i  knew i hurt her with my words what i say to her ..  and then ….she  just left  the bathroom  she walked by me didn’t say one word , she didn’t give me  one look, like if i  was not there.

*sad voice*

My angel ……she is great she didn’t deserve that nothing of this she didn’t do nothing wrong nothing….

I just hope one day …. one day in her life she would understand   why but i know that’s impossible  

*womans start reading the book again*

I found it here it is ..I knew it it’s right here this is the word … this is the word I wanted to show you 

*Asking to the audience* you wanna know the word?

Wait let me tell you but i need a drink first and  i’m so tired   i don’t understand

 its like i have no energy …  for nothing it’s like my body my energy is just dripping away from me and i have this strange feeling in my legs and hands i don’t know  what it is

*Woman gets up and pours a drink and sits down again facing the audience staring*

You know what happiness is ? *she looks around the audience* 

Well do you ?


The Dialogue writer Part One

Listen You have to write me something good , look at this shit they give me 

They really expect  that I can play a gangster with this garbage really . 

look here,right here Hands up or I will shoot , what the fuck is this ?

Do they think Its fucking john wayne movie Hands up, they dont understand I am playing a very complicated gangster do they?

You have to write me something good here man , I can not do this, the mother fuckers after all the fucking money I made for them, you know how much money I made for them,

you know how much ? millions fucking millions,

and then they have the balls to send me this shit .

Dude really, you have to do something here, dont let me sound like a fucking cowboy

I hate fucking westerns, your my last hope men , they say your the best.

So what do you think ? rewrite this shit for me ?because and this is just between you and me 

This is probably the last one I get my last change to come back, and I need this , I need this so bad Iam alreday taking fucking pills for this shit , but I tell you when you on top , and you see your fucking face everywhere on the fucking billboards … Is all worth It man ,

you and me will show those fuckers  I’m still the number one.

So all You have to do is , come through for me here today , write for me meanest dialogue ever , I wanna be the best fucking gangster ,and I need your magic for that.

Here, look this is how serious Iam , a blank cheque help me through this man,

and I won’t forget .

Meet X a big movie star  he had the reputation of the blockbuster king, it didn’t matter what kind of movie he made , blockbuster all the way, loved by women for his looks and loved by men , because they wanted to be like him.

And I have to admit I was one of these men .

But as Hollywood history shows you , when your time is up , your time is up.

and that  is what happened with X.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly which movie it all started , I just think he held on to his same character to long, and then one day people get bored of you, they don’t take you seriously anymore, box office drops  less people  to see your movies. and finally the cost  of making your movie  , does not come back anymore in  the studios revenue   

And at this point X was now

Almost out of the picture but he  still had something , something that could bring people to the theatres, and that something not every movie star has , what it is, I like to call that thing magic, and he had still had it .

Only problem ? the studios  they don’t look at magic , the look at numbers, today its an fucking accountant who makes the decisions to shoot a movie or not .

And this same accountant was responsible for the script writers , for this new movie 

I could see they cut on the budget of the script, it was not that bad but , if you want to take out the best performance  of X you need to have a good script, a fucking good script.

And that’s the reason they hire me , most of the time the studios do ,but in some cases the actor. but only  the number one A list actors, who have the power and influence inside a studio to change things , for example the script .

And I knew X despite him not on that A list anymore,

he still had a lot of influence he could use.

So that brings me back till today , the meanest gangster lines ever, I felt a bit sorry for X , because really Hands Up whoever wrote that was an asshole and didn’t understand the

the really movie heroes .

In Hollywood there is a difference between writing I mean either you write for the A list or for the B list or for everything below the B.

And then of course you have your television writers Tv Netflix HBO Amazon good writers good scripts, but in most cases so fucking predictble 

But it’s not like an A list writer. If you are an A list writer on top you choose who to play your character , because many A list writers like myself , we write a part for an actor  we already have in mind, and that’s  exactly  how I work.

When I start to write I visualize an actor and I know, I can see in my head how it will look on the big screen.

And up and till now every part I wrote had the actor in the movie I visualized.

So yeah by now I was considered by the studios  to be in the top three of the A list writers 


And now here today sitting on a couch with in front of me ,who was one of the biggest box offices actors ever threw me a blank cheque in my face, and I have to say a blank cheque 

was the first time for me.


Short story. The Dialogue writer Part Two

X. I thought you would take the deal ?

Y. Why , you know I’m gonna win this 

X. No I know you , you have nothing,be smart take the deal

Y.  You know me? , really? , just because you put your dick inside me ,

 you think you know me?

X. I’m just saying , there is no reason we can not make a deal on this.

Y. No listen, why don’t you go back to your little is mis sunshine

 I Am sure she is impressed  by all the work you do ………on her.

X. Speaking about dick . how is he your new ……lover ?

Y. You still the same asshole you know that

X.Yeah that’s so funny you say that, because you made me a ashole,

 the same day you were on your knees getting …… evidence ?

Y. and that my love … won me my case 

 the first lesson you teach me , everything is allowed, to win a case  remember ?

X.Yeah I remember…… 

I don’t see anything wrong with this , It’s just a first draft, you have to get into the rol 

You play a lawyer your are divorced you ex husband is a lawyer , you hate each other guts but somewhere deep inside there’s still something

You don’t like it ?  well that’s ok thats a .. beginning lets go from there.

listen i’m not trying to say here how you should act i’m not ,really not  .. but 

the studio asked me to help you out a bit with these parts 

Why ? no I don’t think you can not do this , you are a great actress one of the best 

no really I mean that , I saw all your movies  No I’m not lying remember the movie you did two years ago, you and X ,Men I was so fucking jealous at X  that s you fall in love with him 


So about copyright……..

If you try to take something of this site without my permission

You’ve gotta ask yourself one question: ‘Do I

feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?