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How did I end up here ? well that’s the million dollar question
I asked myself hundreds of times this question over and over again in my head and I don’t know what happend I really don’t understand, and that makes me so mad .
To figure something out , but like there is something missing.
They told me I experience timelapse of memeryloss , some parts I can remember and other parts not.
They also told me that I don’t have to worry about it. Apparently in most cases this is just a temporary thing it will go away again.
They say I am a danger to myself and for the people around me.
I can not remember this part but they told me also that I have said
I hear voices in my head. well i know that is not true
I hear no voices Im not crazy there are no voices there is only one voice and he is real
Yes I know, before you say anything you have to let me explain .
This voice he exist its he is my friend , i know him for so long since i was a child
I tell you this true friendship exist
And i don’t understand i told him i was here and i need him to get me out of here but
I think he is busy because he is not here yet and i really really need him right now
Please dont believe what people saying about me
I’m not crazy and i will prove it to you
When I think back I think It all started with this guy somebody I hardly knew.
He lives in my apartment building on the second floor and I heard later that he called and told the police I was a danger, and crazy that I heard voices in my head and that there was always screaming and fighting everything day and night
Now here is a strange thing , how did he know about the voices? , i didn’t tell him
I never talked to this guy in my whole life , that guy is strange i will tell you that,
Sometimes when I came home I saw him standing at the window , and I could feel his eyes poking in my neck. It was like he was checking me out or something.
And one day I saw him in the shop , I was grabbing a bottle of milk and suddenly he stood next to me , and he asked me how you were doing ?
I just looked at him and said yeah ok , busy now have to go .
And I almost ran over to the teller to pay , and the moment I walked out the door I could hear him saying , hey why don’t you guys come over one time , we can have some beers .
At the time I didn’t think about this too much , I just wanted to go home .
But the last few days it’s just like there is something in my head
that was trying to tell me something.
Guys! That’s it guys he use the word guys but why I am alone why didn’t he say or asked
Why don’t you come over to my place for a beer? you
What did he mean with guys ? and then it hit me
He thinks I live with somebody ? that must be it .
Now this is just one of those little things that can drive me crazy if i don’t understand
You know what i mean
I have to make a call , I have to call him today
Today is the first day I can leave my room. And I have to ask him what happened?
I still don’t know and I don’t understand normally he is always here to help me.
I hope he is not mad at me. I really hope not.
Morning X how are we feeling today ?
Did you have a good night’s sleep ? i thought so good that means the medication
is working just fine
Look at me and listen today you can have one hour downstairs if you want.
But first you will have to attend a session with doctor Y
You know him, remember him ? from when you first came here
Dont worry its a nice guy really he knows alot about you , just talk to him.
You don’t want to talk ?
Well no talking no leaving this room today then. Are you sure ?
Afraid why are you afraid?
Listen i will make you a promise if you go just be relax talk to him ,
and i will give you two hours more downstairs , what do you think about that?
I thought so, you made the right decision here.
Just one more thing before I go.
Don’t tell him too much, you know what I mean don’t tell him* everything*
Remember,what I told you I can be your friend or your enemy you choose.
Come in ah good morning x how you feeling today ?
Good to see you, you look alot better since the first time i saw you .
Remember that ? remember i told you not to worry everything’s gonna be ok.
Now listen it’s good we’re gonna have this session or talk or however you want to call this .
Because as it happens yesterday i received this by mail , look the whole police report
I think there’s a lot of information in here we can use today.
So you will will get some answers to but i need you to be honest with me, otherwise i can not do nothing for you nothing
Let me explain to you something. A case like this will attract attention from a lot of people.
And i don’t want that , We don’t want that, you do understand what i’m saying here ?
Good, I knew you would agree with me on this.
Now let’s start with something painful, your friend is he here right now ?
Because if he is , I would like to talk to him.
X listen ,you have to realise at this moment in your life I’am probably the only one
Who might or could believe you, but that’s all up to you know.
You have to tell me what happened , I need to know everything .
Everything that you can remember
If not ,well basically you know what’s gonna happen then.
So today I Want the truth from you.
The waiting room
To begin with, let me clarify some things here
One I’m not a real person.
Two, I am somebody you need one day in your life.
And three, I am invisible for as long as you want me to be.
How does that work? It’s not that hard all you have to do is ask.
And he did, he asked me right from the beginning.
Now I Am an Imaginary friend for as long as I can remember.
I think the first time I’ve appear was about 100 years ago and ever since I’ve been a woman, a man a child and I can tell you I this I’ve met some strange people
during those times.
Don’t ask me how I became an imaginary friend , because even today I still don’t know.
And I stopped trying to find out a long time ago.
And now I’m back here again in the waiting room waiting and waiting
Until he calls me again and he will call me. I have known him for a long long time.
So what is the waiting room you ask ?
Well let me explain, if you are an experience Imaginary friend, lest say after at least ten persons you been a friend for , in between those ,we call them visits,we go to this place
We call the waiting room .
Its white round and big, against the white walls you can see a lot of people
These are the people who have an imaginary friend in their life at this moment.
You can see man woman children it’s a mix , but it’s not the real person itself
It’s a visualisation on how we see this person.
So you can see a child , who has super powers a woman in love with another women
A man desperate in his life for all kinds of life stories.
You can even see children there , who in real life are adults, they just wanna go back to when they were a child when they were happy.
So basically when I’m there, I never know whom I’m talking to.
Remember I Am invisible as long you want me to be ?
Sometimes those visits imagine how i should look like , maybe as an old long lost friend
Or as a beautiful woman or as the boy they knew in kindergarten.
And a lot of times they just imagine me as somebody who died in their lifetime, a friend, a family member or just somebody they knew somehow or somewhere.
I will tell you this its not hard to be an imaginary friend, afterall we can take a look in your mind and we already know the questions that are coming and the answers to those questions
It gets complicated if they start to ask questions , where they don’t have an answer to .
Then it is like filling in the blanks.
Normally I just put the food for thought there and most of the time that will be a safe answer or solution.
But if they are not happy with that and they start to think problems start .
And then in my experience it’s just a matter of time before the question comes .
They question we all want to hear but the same moment the question we all fear.
How would you do it ?
That question for me is ticket , the golden ticket to go as we call it * to go real*
And when that moment is there we have to ask the mandatory questions.
Are you sure, are you ready for this ? you know there is no turning back ?
In many cases of our visits confusing sets in, they will start to hear our voices no longer in their mind , but an actual voice.
A Lot of those visits we lose then , because they become scared of their own thoughts,
but every now and then , they don’t stop, and from that moment on they are hooked .
Hooked on the idea that we are the solution to their problem, we become their salvation.
We become a real friend
And that is exactly what happened with my last visit.
Where are you now ?
I don’t know, I really don’t know, I told him everything and nothing.
And when I did I could see it in eyes , the disbelief.he doesn’t believe me.
And I don’t blame him, who would ? Who would believe me?
He is here and I know what he wants .He wants me to confess, but I won’t do that.
I didn’t do anything wrong, it was him all the time it was him.
Problem is now nobody will believe me.
They all think I’m crazy and that I make this up and that Iam fabricating this story just to avoid the ultimate penalty.
O yes i know they all want to see me go there.
I need to find a way so I can prove my innocence,I just need to find the right way.
And I think I know how to do that.
As long he is using other people to talk to me , he can not see my thoughts
So from now one all I have to do is make sure I don’t imagine him.
I know he wants to talk to me but I won’t let him, at least not in my imagination.
I’ve told you two hours downstairs for you, didn’t I? Don’t look so surprised.
When i promise something I deliver
So come on, put your shoes on,I will bring you.
You will like it down their you can even use the garden if you want
I had a peek at your file after you left the doctor office , don’t look at me that way
I Am a bit surprised you did tell him about me, but not what I can do?
Why not ? What are you up to?
Whatever you trying it will not work, there is no me, i don’t exist , i didn’t kill those people
Well actually I did , but you , you created the circumstances, your words, your wishes.
I just did what comes naturally for you in your thoughts,
Remember ? I remember all of them. Oh I wish he was dead , Oh i wish she got in an accident , I wish he was hit by a train.
I just fulfilled your wishes , don’t forget your wishes.
As you can see we even have some books here , and you can watch television,
as long as you don’t fight with the others which channel to watch
but that won’t happen too much . We only have two channels.
You guys don’t need the distractions from outside , the doctors don’t like that.
They like to keep you as cattle calm and no questions.
You’re wondering ? you wondering if I’m still here?
You still don’t get it, I don’t need you, I don’t need you anymore to talk to you.
I don’t have to be in your mind anymore to hear.
You set me free. You release me
Look around the next time I can be in any of those minds, and you would never know.
I can watch you, I can hear you , I know what you are doing , you would never know when you are talking to me.
So what do you wanna do, read a book? or you see that guy ,he likes to play table tennis
And her at the window she likes to sing , are you a singer ? no didn’t think so
Come over here because it’s your first time here , let me introduce you to your group.
Some pretty crazy people here I am sure you will fit in no problem.
I heard some stories in my life: fantasies, real things , in my line of work you hear everything all the good and the worse.
It’s my job to filter, who is lying and who is telling the truth.
And sometimes that’s more complicated than you can imagine
I had people here who believed they were possessed by evil
I had people here who thought they were jezus or even dogs .
For us that is a story, for them ? for them it’s the reality.
In their mind they somehow and for whatever reason they crossed a line of sanity.
Now let me tell you something about sanity, it’s overrated.
Who is sane and who is insane?
And who is to judge Me ? no I can only try to find the reason or the event in those lives
What was the trigger that set everything in motion? And from there start to work things out.
I’ve been doing this job for more than 35 years now and I heard it all , or at least I thought.
Today I spoke to X. He told me his imaginary friend is killing people throughout his whole life
People he knew somehow people that played a role in his life and not always a big role
for one example he told me , one day his house was burgled after the police was gone
He was sitting down in his chair sad and angry and he started to talk to his imaginary friend
And in that talk finally he said I wish he was hit by a bus
Two days later he read in the newspaper, that a man died he was run over by a school bus
When they brought him to the hospital , they found stolen items in his bag , among others as the story in the newspapers wrote , one small jugendstil clock.
And then he realised that it was his clock.
Coincidence this ? could be, or he just could made the whole story up in his mind,
to convince himself , his imaginary friend was responsible for this.
So natural my question to him was
Did you ask your friend , did he do it ? His answer was, I can not tell you that
You know when I talk to people the first thing I always do try to find out things
Talk to their families and their friends , the more information I have the better my
chances are of helping them
So before I met X for the first time i’ve already knew pretty much all
what happened in his life , and it didn’t surprise me to find Mental illness at a young age ,later on in life drugs alcohol problems.
But also death in the family , death of friends all these could be the possible trickers
We just needed to find the right one , the one who basically put everything in motion.
At Least that was my intention, but more and more X told me it seems not to add up .
With the information i had in his file
Lets take out all the deaths of all the people he didn’t know in his life, the random ones.
The one he met on accidental occasions, the one he wishes something bad will happen to them , I can not make any statement on that, it’s too hard to prove and it’s too easy to say it didn’t happen , I just don’t know.
Now let’s take a look at the deaths in his family, the deaths of his friends the deaths of his acquaintances, there was something here I dont know what and I still don’t know why I did it
I picked up the phone and started calling , and with every call I knew more and more he was telling the truth , or at least he was thinking and convincing me he was telling the truth.
In family and friends circles a total of 10 unresolved deaths.
I could could prove without any doubt he could not have done this , because everytime
When a death occurred he either was in prison or in a mental institute , everytime .
But their was also another thing but I can not tell you that , because if I do
You think I’m crazy
Why do you look that way? You remember me don’t you?
Because I do , I remember what I did for you.
What’s the matter cat got your tongue , off all people you should be the least surprised .
So what are you gonna do with X?
You talked to him , for you it shall not be too hard for you to convince people he is crazy.
So what you are waiting for , write it down and lock him up , forever.
I know what you are thinking , you see me as a little boy, but I sound like an adult .
You wonder how is that possible ?
Well i can tell you this , you were my first , when you wished you teacher should dy
Remember him ? yeah I thought so the one who punished and humiliated you
in front of the whole class. every week, you do remember that dont you
And then when you started to talk to me, you created me your own imaginary friend
I remember our talk well most of the time it was you crying , and then that one day
You asked me for help ,
Somebody should do something about him , those where exactly your words
Well I did and you know why ? because I Am your friend .
But that was a long time ago , you know i never understood , why you stopped talking to me
I thought we were friends for life.
You know your teacher , wanna know how i did it ?
He was my first chance to go real, and I have to say,it was not that hard
The garage next to your parents house , and one day it went up in flames?
That was me too
You told me many times your father was always in the garage working on inventing things and that you never were allowed in there.
Remember we played football the yard one day , and i kicked the ball far away ,
You were running for the ball and I sneaked inside the garage.
And on some shelves i saw a lot jars posion this posson that , i just took two of them .
Next day on parents day at school your mother baked a cake for your teacher ,
Do I have to tell more or do you get the picture now ?
Teacher died of mysterious illness ,it was in all the news papers
Nothing mysterious for me or for you.
So now you know, itt as not my fault
Listen, can I ask you something ? Do you need a friend right now ?
Because I can be you friend again I can sit over there in you new chair
next to the window.
You know I’m a good listener , and i hear your thoughts
And i know you need a friend now
Why do you shake your head like that ?
You really want to risk everything you have ?
I will forgive you for deserting me , we can start again
I can tell you all the stories ,you write them down , it will be your opus dei
The best you ever written, to bad you can not publish it
Nobody will believe you
So what do you say ?
Friends again? Just say my name ,And i’ll be there.
Never promised you a rosegarden
A theater performance that takes place in an apartment building, four apartments inhabited by four people who all live alone for various reasons
Six monologues that are linked together
Set is a small apartment where most things are still in moving boxes
One woman is very distressed , because she can not find her things back.
We can see a kitchen table, two chairs…plants new roses /tulips/orchids in trays on the background on top of the sink.
One dirty kitchen machine shopping bags bottles boxes on the floor a total mess.
During the monologues she is unpacking boxes and talking to the audience
Sitting at the kitchen table * woman looks at the audience with a speaks
with a sarcastic voice *
What a great day , this is it ,My new house, you like it ? come on be honest don’t be shy
Nothing to say Yeah i thought so. * she looks around the kitchen*
This … this is my new beginning, my new life, my new everything! *sarcastic voice*
Yeah i’m so happy right now can’t you see?
Listen I hope you don’t mind all these boxes , I still have a lot of unpacking to do it’s a mess I know ……
Aim just ….. I am just too tired right now.
The Woman stands up, picks up a heavy box and with all her strength puts the box on the kitchen table she opens the box and she grabs a book and sits down again.
She starts reading a bit , and then starts looking for a certain page *
Here it is you know what this is? *facing the audience and keeping the book up*
Yes you right it is it’s a dictionary *softly voice * a stupid dictionary i remember I bought this for her she needed one for school
Woman desperately looking around now and keeps speaking softly , she is not here not today.
I saw her this morning. She was helping me and she took all the garbage bags full of clothes from upstairs ,and you what ?every time she went up and down the stairs with one or two bags and threw them in the truck , she was yelling another one.
she was really helping me. She is amazing. I could not do this alone .. really.
*With A voice full of anger* And you know what! she doesn’t understand. She just doesn’t understand ……my angel.
And me ? I Am trying to act normal when I am with her, you know… like this is a normal thing and these things happen and there’s nothing I can do to change this .
And it’s not like she doesn’t know she is a smart girl…. I mean she has girlfriends who are in the same situation …, she told me once in her class .. and I think she said 7 kids are in the same situation SEVEN .I felt guilty when i heard that , i never wanted that for her to become one of those…… you know those kids.
I dont think i’m worried about her …..she is strong doing better than me if i’m honest a lot better i read somewhere kids are so more flexible in adjusting to a new situation, i don’t know if that is true but she …… yeahh she is strong and i hate to say this but …. She got his personality , * soft voice* he was strong to*
*With panic in her movements she starts reading the book and turning page for page
again and again and then talks to the audience*
I wanna show you something but I can not find it and i’m sure i saw it here somewhere
I knew it i knew i had to mark it with a pen or something because now it’s gone *
hysterical soft laughing* *
Gone gone yes it’s gone words can not disappear? gone no no noooo relax relax
read slowly look at the lines it must be here.it must be here.
*Woman facing the audience *
Where is she now ? she is not here you know ….we had a fight this morning.
, and i feel so guilty because It was not her fault It really wasn’t but…………
And I know she was just trying to help me. I know that ok !
but i could not let her do that…… *soft voice* no not that ..what if ……….
It happened in the bathroom ,i think…… no i knew exactly there were three more garbage bags there, and when i went up there i saw here pulling one bag over floor towards the door at that moment i stopped breathing i told her no leave those bags alone I will do that but mom she says these are too heavy for you., i don’t mind , i will throw the bags down the stairs it’ just clothes nothing will happen
*woman almost screaming and facing the audience*
Noooo don’t do that I will do these bags , please… and besides don’t you have to go to school , today ?
* soft voice* and then she said but mom, I’m free today, don’t you remember ?
I wanna help you with this let me do this …. I didn’t remember she told me that
my head was not clear that day
*ferm voice* No leave those alone i will do the bathroom and if you really really want to help me ? listen just listen ok I’m already at the limit of everything ok you understand that?
And then… then it happened… i saw the color in her face changing… from white till almost completely red and i knew then…
i knew i hurt her with my words what i say to her .. and then ….she just left the bathroom she walked by me didn’t say one word , she didn’t give me one look, like if i was not there.
My angel ……she is great she didn’t deserve that nothing of this she didn’t do nothing wrong nothing….
I just hope one day …. one day in her life she would understand why but i know that’s impossible
*womans start reading the book again*
I found it here it is ..I knew it it’s right here this is the word … this is the word I wanted to show you
*Asking to the audience* you wanna know the word?
Wait let me tell you but i need a drink first and i’m so tired i don’t understand
its like i have no energy … for nothing it’s like my body my energy is just dripping away from me and i have this strange feeling in my legs and hands i don’t know what it is
*Woman gets up and pours a drink and sits down again facing the audience staring*
You know what happiness is ? *she looks around the audience*
Well do you ?
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The Dialogue writer Part One
Listen You have to write me something good , look at this shit they give me
They really expect that I can play a gangster with this garbage really .
look here,right here Hands up or I will shoot , what the fuck is this ?
Do they think Its fucking john wayne movie Hands up, they dont understand I am playing a very complicated gangster do they?
You have to write me something good here man , I can not do this, the mother fuckers after all the fucking money I made for them, you know how much money I made for them,
you know how much ? millions fucking millions,
and then they have the balls to send me this shit .
Dude really, you have to do something here, dont let me sound like a fucking cowboy
I hate fucking westerns, your my last hope men , they say your the best.
So what do you think ? rewrite this shit for me ?because and this is just between you and me
This is probably the last one I get my last change to come back, and I need this , I need this so bad Iam alreday taking fucking pills for this shit , but I tell you when you on top , and you see your fucking face everywhere on the fucking billboards … Is all worth It man ,
you and me will show those fuckers I’m still the number one.
So all You have to do is , come through for me here today , write for me meanest dialogue ever , I wanna be the best fucking gangster ,and I need your magic for that.
Here, look this is how serious Iam , a blank cheque help me through this man,
and I won’t forget .
Meet X a big movie star he had the reputation of the blockbuster king, it didn’t matter what kind of movie he made , blockbuster all the way, loved by women for his looks and loved by men , because they wanted to be like him.
And I have to admit I was one of these men .
But as Hollywood history shows you , when your time is up , your time is up.
and that is what happened with X.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly which movie it all started , I just think he held on to his same character to long, and then one day people get bored of you, they don’t take you seriously anymore, box office drops less people to see your movies. and finally the cost of making your movie , does not come back anymore in the studios revenue
And at this point X was now
Almost out of the picture but he still had something , something that could bring people to the theatres, and that something not every movie star has , what it is, I like to call that thing magic, and he had still had it .
Only problem ? the studios they don’t look at magic , the look at numbers, today its an fucking accountant who makes the decisions to shoot a movie or not .
And this same accountant was responsible for the script writers , for this new movie
I could see they cut on the budget of the script, it was not that bad but , if you want to take out the best performance of X you need to have a good script, a fucking good script.
And that’s the reason they hire me , most of the time the studios do ,but in some cases the actor. but only the number one A list actors, who have the power and influence inside a studio to change things , for example the script .
And I knew X despite him not on that A list anymore,
he still had a lot of influence he could use.
So that brings me back till today , the meanest gangster lines ever, I felt a bit sorry for X , because really Hands Up whoever wrote that was an asshole and didn’t understand the
the really movie heroes .
In Hollywood there is a difference between writing I mean either you write for the A list or for the B list or for everything below the B.
And then of course you have your television writers Tv Netflix HBO Amazon good writers good scripts, but in most cases so fucking predictble
But it’s not like an A list writer. If you are an A list writer on top you choose who to play your character , because many A list writers like myself , we write a part for an actor we already have in mind, and that’s exactly how I work.
When I start to write I visualize an actor and I know, I can see in my head how it will look on the big screen.
And up and till now every part I wrote had the actor in the movie I visualized.
So yeah by now I was considered by the studios to be in the top three of the A list writers
And now here today sitting on a couch with in front of me ,who was one of the biggest box offices actors ever threw me a blank cheque in my face, and I have to say a blank cheque
was the first time for me.
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Short story. The Dialogue writer Part Two
X. I thought you would take the deal ?
Y. Why , you know I’m gonna win this
X. No I know you , you have nothing,be smart take the deal
Y. You know me? , really? , just because you put your dick inside me ,
you think you know me?
X. I’m just saying , there is no reason we can not make a deal on this.
Y. No listen, why don’t you go back to your little is mis sunshine
I Am sure she is impressed by all the work you do ………on her.
X. Speaking about dick . how is he your new ……lover ?
Y. You still the same asshole you know that
X.Yeah that’s so funny you say that, because you made me a ashole,
the same day you were on your knees getting …… evidence ?
Y. and that my love … won me my case
the first lesson you teach me , everything is allowed, to win a case remember ?
X.Yeah I remember……
I don’t see anything wrong with this , It’s just a first draft, you have to get into the rol
You play a lawyer your are divorced you ex husband is a lawyer , you hate each other guts but somewhere deep inside there’s still something
You don’t like it ? well that’s ok thats a .. beginning lets go from there.
listen i’m not trying to say here how you should act i’m not ,really not .. but
the studio asked me to help you out a bit with these parts
Why ? no I don’t think you can not do this , you are a great actress one of the best
no really I mean that , I saw all your movies No I’m not lying remember the movie you did two years ago, you and X ,Men I was so fucking jealous at X that s you fall in love with him
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So about copyright……..
If you try to take something of this site without my permission
You’ve gotta ask yourself one question: ‘Do I
feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?